Sunday, April 24, 2016

The Ted Cruz Sex Tape....It's not what you think....edutcher is not involved.


Youse guys watch Maury don't you? I mean I don't but I am touch with the cultural zeitgeist. Or at least that part of it that mocks Ted Cruz.  Sorry I can't help it. New York Values.

It seems that this Donald Trump voter Searcy Hayes was searching for a way to prove that her boyfriend was the father of her rug rat and not the dudes he claimed made her a baby momma. She took a blood test and was vindicated. But a funny thing happened. It turns out she is a dead ringer for Ted Cruz.

So naturally only one thing can happen. She was offered $10,000 for a sex tape. With her boyfriend. So they are going to do it. I mean they are on the balls of their ass and that money can be the difference for them. They can pay off their truck or their trailer. Stock up on Mountain Dew and Moon Pies.  They are googling "How to make a sex tape on an Iphone."

15 comments:

Trooper York said...

I kid ed...I kid. It is out of love.

The Dude said...

Moon pies - yeah, no...

Trooper York said...

Hey I bought some when I was in North Carolina. They were really good. In fact I bought a big box of them.

But Mountain Dew not so much.

Trooper York said...

I am second to none in my admiration of regional snack cakes.

Moon pies rule.

The Dude said...

I am not arguing the efficacy of MoonPies, the simulated foodstuffs, in their ability to stave off hypoglycemia, but in the context of the proposed video, the words "moon" and "pies" are enough to put one off one's feed.

"Eye bleach" is probably the most commonly requested item after viewing that abomination.

Just as "emetic" is preferred after consuming an egg cream or a blintz. Or, may Schilling preserve us, a "Moxie". Bleh!

Trooper York said...

Can't you just imagine what that sex tape is going to look like? Yikes.

ricpic said...

Okay, I looked up Moxie and it appears to be cream soda. I say appears cause I never had the honor. You got something against cream soda, Sixty?

Trooper York said...

Nothing beats a Dr. Browns Cream soda and a hot knish with mustard. Nutin I tells ya!

XRay said...

Moon pies do rule. OTOH the tradition was RC Cola and a moon pie, as Mountain Dew didn't even exist back in the day.

OT - Troop in case you haven't seen it, Cruz's latest ad. I post it for the hit on Hillary and not necessarily in support of Cruz. It's well done and funny, I think.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cpqoVqqDGk&feature=player_embedded/

The Dude said...

Mr. Pic, I do not. I do need to work on my comedy skills.

Moxie is billed as the world's worst tasting soft drink. Every time we went up to New England 50-60 years ago my father would buy a case. We drank it because it was weird.

I had one once as an adult. Yep, it's pretty terrible.

I used to like cream sodas back when I could consume such things. But an Egg Cream is not a cream soda. Me bruddah came back with tales from the big city "They have these drinks call "Egg Creams" which contain neither!"

Then he told us of something even more exotic - an Orange Julius. We were shocked. Those Y*nkees really were peculiar!

Of course, we were so far out in the country that I vividly remember the first time I ever had pizza - it was 1957, right after the big blizzard, where another of my brothers was stranded at a house across town and they served Chef Boyar Dee pizza, made from a box mix. Heck of a thing, ain't it?

Never had a blintz or a knish or a cannoli or any of those other strange foods. Never will, either. But the words are pure comedy gold, so I always enjoyed the idea of them.

edutcher said...

My God, I wouldn't wish that face on any woman.

Well...

edutcher said...

Trooper York said...

Nothing beats a Dr. Browns Cream soda and a hot knish with mustard. Nutin I tells ya!

Nothing beats Nathan's cheese fries. I can't do the acid in the hot dogs anymore, but a Coke and those cheese fries...

The Dude said...

I ate sushi at Candlestick Park 25 years ago.

I know, that has nothing to do with anything, but I did, it didn't kill me and in fact, it wasn't even the worst sushi I ever ate.

Is the woman in that picture the daughter of one of Ted's girlfriends? You know, one of his outside family children.

edutcher said...

Well, they say there were 8, not 5, so anything is possible.

Methadras said...

There are 66 common facial features amongst all human beings. Except the chinks. They all look the same.