Thursday, July 30, 2015

"What are YOU 99.9% sure about?"

Reddit top voted answers...
That this hand sanitizer will kill these germs

My cat knows when I call his name, he just ignores me.

That the earth will get gobbled up by the sun and I will die billions of years before that,

And all this bullshit about what people do and say is more about personal selfish crap and not about anything real.
People jerk off,
Dudes have sex,
People smoke cigarettes,
People do drugs,
Chicks have abortions,
People fly flags,
NONE OF IT FUCKING MATTERS
Unless someone is jerking off on you, blowing smoke in your face, stealing your money to get high, flying your personal flag, or aborting your kid, Shut the fuck up, get the fuck out of the conversation, and go away.
We are all going to die, go do something.

I am ninety nine
point nine percent sure this is
a crappy haiku

That my dog isn't really retarded and just acts it.

10 comments:

bagoh20 said...

That 99.9% is as good as 100%

bagoh20 said...

That someone will lie to me today...
and smile when they do it.

ricpic said...

That EVERYONE farts every day.

Lem the artificially intelligent said...

That my nephews will not express even an iota of satisfaction, no matter what I do. 99.9% certain.

bagoh20 said...

Well, I appreciate you Lem. At least I'm 99.9% sure I do.

Leland said...

That when a NASA analysis shows a reliability of six 9's (99.9999% reliability) that there is a 99.9% probability it will actually fail way earlier than the analysis predicted. I still remember a study showing that the ISS solar alpha rotary joint had a failure rate that was better than the great pyramids (10 significant digits in mean hours between failures, no shit). Yeah, that was an awesome study.

If you wonder what I think about NASA models wrt AGW, see above.

I'm Full of Soup said...

That I will never dunk a basketball again even on an 8 foot rim.

Methadras said...

I'm 99.9% sure of nothing.

MamaM said...

I'm 99.9 percent sure I'm going to find something on this blog that either intrigues or irritates me, sometimes both at the same time.

... my nephews will not express even an iota of satisfaction, no matter what I do

@Lem,
Children are 99.9 dedicated to using their senses (especially their eyes and ears) to figure out and find a way to survive. Even if they won't or are unable to express an iota of satisfaction, you can be 100% sure they are listening, watching, and filing memories away. Uncles and Aunts matter. I'm 99.9 percent sure everyone with an aunt or uncle can recall a positive, negative, or funny story about them. Keep being yourself, as I'm 99.9 percent sure they are taking note. With chances also being good that they will someday have positive, negative and funny stories to tell about you. Which is an oddly satisfying outcome, similar I imagine to what results from running a blog.

ricpic said...

The great thing about being a kid is that you can stare at people, like your Aunts and Uncles, for like forever and not only are you not admonished for it, they don't even deign to notice your existence. At least that was my experience and it was all good. I didn't feel bad about being ignored, in fact it was great, it was like being invisible and listening in on the women as they coffee klatched or the men all wreathed in smoke at the pinochle table. What you learn is not anything specific but a whole way of being. I wish I could be there again at Aunt Rose and Uncle Carl's house, they were the nucleus, with Aunt Sadye and Uncle Joe, Aunt Florence and Uncle George and my parents of course, who made it even more of a point to ignore me than the others. It was the greatest.