Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Serious Visage aerosol tart face

Nick Stahl gets the Anderson Cooper "darkened furrowed brow of concern" treatment. No more needles and threads and tying knots to pull a furrowed brow. Now you too can add instant gravitas to your hopelessly naïve face with Serious Visage, the new instant darkened furrowed brow of concern aerosol application. 


[I have no idea who Nick Stahl is. I searched for "plain face male,' and that is all.]

7 comments:

Lem the artificially intelligent said...

Somebody came up with the showing up quote.

You know, everybody knows it, a humongous percentage of life is showing up.

That humongous percentage part is mine, because unlike everybody, I cant recall the exact percentage.

Anyway... Showing up includes mood recognition features... How did the Klingons evolved those must have involved a lot of pain.

Lem the artificially intelligent said...

I heard an amusing saying last night..

"You can sit on a mountain but you can't sit on a tack."

Paddy O said...

Ah, but a tack can sit on you, but a mountain can't. Not without faith, that is.

Eric the Fruit Bat said...

I recently found out that it's called "contouring." It's a way of applying heavy facial makeup that seems to be catching on among younger women.

I think it looks really weird up close.

Not that it matters.

I haven't a snowball's chance in hell of banging any of them.

Lem the artificially intelligent said...

I thought it would come to me who that guy was w/o goggling.

I still got nothing.

Lem the artificially intelligent said...

He looks familiar but I cant place him.

Chip Ahoy said...

Do you realize the serious application of fierce consternation, of hard concentration that it takes to produce such a deeply furrowed brow of concern by force of will?

The same 'take me seriously goddamnit' force of will that it takes to turn one's own hair completely gray decades in advance of one's natural turn.

One time at dinner in New York a psychiatrist that I had only met that night sitting across from me and so trapped in conversation at the center of the table while the ends had their own conversations, most uncomfortable, said to me when I was 21 that if I looked hard enough I'd see that at 14 I decided I need to be an adult, and I'm sitting there thinking, "Oh, fuck me. I had hoped this wouldn't happen. I'm being analyzed."

So that's how I know.

But the lines on the face are unnecessary for all that.

That's why I think he's so funny.

A woman some fifteen years my junior asked me how I avoided lines. I told her about Bart who smiles so much so continuously that lines formed at his eye early on. Now his face is all wrinkly. From smiling so much.

"So the answer is quit smiling?"

"Yes."

"...And always wear sunglasses when it is bright so you don't squint."

But the real thing is facial exercises. It happened again last night. I clamped my own jaw, I don't know why, I just did, and with my fingertips felt where my teeth connect as far back as I could on the top.

Then smiled.

I could feel one side move dramatically and easily and the other side not move at all.

I tweaked the dead side until something faintly moved.

I tweaked back and forth good side, dead side, good side, dead side, back and forth rapidly as possible. Made a game of finding the missing muscle in there somewhere. Tried smiling different ways to activate neighboring areas. Tried everything I could think of, kept making changes, kept stressing both sides.

Then stopped.

My whole face vibrated from being worked out. But I don't know if anything affected the damaged area. I got back to teeth squeezing and jaw pinching and smiling back and forth right and left and kept doing that and doing that and doing that until I find that goddam muscle inside. And I do! I do find the muscle. And I hit that lazy son of a bitch like it owe me money, I will not leave it alone. I find it again and hit again in insistence its performance will match the other side. It must. Now it's a thing. All day long I'm sitting there tweaking my face putting a demand on a sleeping dead lazy muscle. All that was last night. But I think things like that have prevented lines and prevented sagging facial features. Getting bashed in the face, taking the face plant, did have its advantages. Apparently.

Cooper is the opposite of this. Instead, he created deep permanent irreversible early furrows by doing the opposite. It is what he wants.