I am shamed by this brief video. I was not so good a son as this woman is a daughter.
My own mother passed with Alzheimer's a little over a year after my father. My father was loyal to her to his last day. She was his whole life. He visited her every day and stayed with her all day. He died starting his truck on his way to her. The truck I still drive. That is my connection with them. When he passed my brothers and sisters and their families assembled and agreed not to tell her and she never asked about him. Eventually they dispersed and it was just me and her. The last time I visited her at meal time and sat with her at her table she was eating her mushy food with her fingers and she did recognize me, by pinching my arm so hard and hanging on so long with the pinch that it left a bruise. My last words to her were, "Come on, Mum, you are hurting me." She knew I was somebody but could not quite place me. We did not talk at all.
9 comments:
Yours is a sad story, Chip. I didn't watch the video, not needing a second dose of sad.
Seems to me there are about 3,500 horrors in this life and maybe 15,000 sadnesses.
Compare that to a handful of ecstasies and maybe 2 or 3 dozen gladnesses.
God's gift.
I heard of some guy who, when asked what he'd been up to, replied, "Trying to draw a straight line through the sine curve of life."
I thought that was a pretty good line but I don't use it myself because I want to show some respect for the man.
Sometimes I think that's the best we can ever do: try to remain steady and show some respect.
My mom was the same way. When she would first see me, she acted like she knew me and wanted to say something, but, after a couple of seconds, I was out of her thought process.
It's beautiful to watch them come home once in awhile, even if only for a brief moment.
My Dad was that way toward the end. When he passed, my Mom could still hear him calling her.
(the sound on my end isn't working so I had had to find another way to watch. Glad I did.) Pure joy in the love between mom and daughter, found in the fog of memory and old age. Nice to see -thanks.
Yours is a sad story, Chip.
Yes, it is. And no, it isn't.
It is indeed a very sad story when a beloved elder is diagnosed as having Alzheimer's and then slowly fades away, losing all memory.
But it is also a happy story to read about and hear of family and friends who remain devoted to the sufferer, loving her or him fully, though little recognition of that can be made.
The humanity of humans can sometimes be so wonderful, so humbling, and so perfect that it makes up for other, bad things, that happen in the world.
Let the guilt go, Chip. Your mother is w/ the Good Lord and has nothing but love for you.
I keep a dementia patient every other week. Used to be very stressful but that has eased up lately as she sleeps quite a bit nowadays.
But as in the video, every now and the real person shows up for a minute or two. Those are bittersweet moments. Painful actually.
But you do what you got to do.
"We're both doing the same thing, aren't we?"
Isn't it wonderful!"
Yes and Yes!
Mom has dementia and I struggle, after an hour in her company, not to scream obscenities at her. She has an overwhelmingly need to know where everyone is, every moment of the day. Seriously, she who would escape into the bathroom with a book for alone time, now knocks on the door to the toilet, asks if you are in there, and wants assurance that you are okay. Three minutes later she is knocking and asking again. I could handle a 15 minute memory, a two minute memory, not so much.
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