Friday, August 15, 2014

Are Militant Atheists Using Chemtrails To Poison The Angels In Heaven?

Of course they are.  The internet say it's true, and the internet is always a reliable news source, as President John F. Kennedy said in his famous "ask not..." inaugural address.
As secret atheist scientists in government pursue their goals of undermining Jesus in America, it only stands to reason that they would take their battle to the skies. The aerial dogfight is likely a vicious one. Who knows what advances they have made since the days of DDT and Agent Orange. Yet fight on they do, every single day! Our heavens are coated in a thick aerosol haze of spiritual hate and this nation’s faith is sinking.
I've been wondering what's been happening to the angels.   Poisoning them sounds so very cruel.  Those doggone atheists!  Who knew they had gigantic aircraft that sprayed chemicals into the atmosphere.
Religion is at an all time low, while sodomy and perversion are at epic heights. Clearly the overlap of these symptoms with the widespread usage of chemtrails is more than just a coincidence. Clearly the astonishing rise of militant atheism in America must factor in. So what is the ultimate answer to the mystery of the chemtrails? Have Heaven’s angels forsaken us for such an offensive maneuver? Or are they actually losing, dying off in plumes of jetliner butchery?
But wait, there's more from the same reliable source! Why Are Cats Immune From Chemtrails? Five Possible Answers From Science.

It's the beginning of the weekend, the bar is now open, and the drinks here are free.  Have a great weekend, everybody.

5 comments:

Lem the artificially intelligent said...

Have a good one Haz.

ricpic said...

Where are the militant atheist cathedrals?!









And the answer to that trick question is: there are none, cause you don't build cathedrals to NO.

YoungHegelian said...

It's a lot funnier when The Onion does this stuff. They, at least, can write with a lighter touch.

This guy is just another pissed-off gay guy who wants to make his point at the expense of his humor.

"If you want to send a message, use Western Union" -- Samuel Goldwyn's dictum applies to satirical websites as much as to movies.

Trooper York said...

"Dr. Stephenson Billings is an award-winning Investigative Journalist, Motivational Children's Party Entertainer and Antique Soda Bottle Collector all in one special, blessed package!"

So he collects bottles like a homeless guy and likes to hang around with children. Sounds like someone we should listen to by all means.

Michael Haz said...

Thanks, Lem, but I already have a good one. I'd like a longer one, though.