Sunday, March 16, 2014

It's that time again

Free Will Astrology
horoscopes for week of March 13, 2014


Aries (March 21-April 19)

"There was another life that I might have had, but I am having this one." So says a character in Kazuo Ishiguro's novel The Unconsoled. At this juncture in your life story, Aries, it might be healing for you to make a similar declaration. Now is an excellent moment to say a final goodbye to plot twists that you wished would have happened but never did. To do so will free up stuck energy that will then become available for future projects. You may even awaken to exciting possibilities you haven't imagined yet.



Taurus (April 20-May 20)

In May 2011, two Nepali men reached the top of Mt. Everest after a six-week climb. Lakpa Tsheri Sherpa and Sano Babu Sunuwar had prepared an unprecedented way to get back down off the mountain. Strapping themselves to a single parachute, they leaped off and paraglided for 45 minutes, landing near a Sherpa village thousands of feet below the summit. I suggest you look around for a metaphorical version of a shortcut like that, Taurus. Don't do the next part of the journey the same way you did the previous phase. Take a more direct route. Enjoy an alternate adventure. Give yourself a fresh challenge.



Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Seeking wisdom and chasing after pleasure are polar opposites, right? You must devote yourself to either one or the other, correct? You can be an enlightened servant of the greater good or else an exuberant hedonist in quest of joy, but not both. True? No. No. No. False. Wrong. Here's the bigger truth: Now and then, grace periods come along when you can become smarter and kinder by exploring the mysteries of feeling really good. Can you guess when the next of these grace periods will arrive for you, Gemini? Here's the answer: It's here now!



Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Humans walked on the moon before anyone ever had the simple idea to put wheels on suitcases. Unbelievable, right? Until 1972, three years after astronauts first walked on the lunar surface, travelers in airports and train stations had to carry and drag wheelless containers full of their belongings. I suspect that a comparable out-of-sequence thing may be going on in your own life, Cancerian. In some ways you are totally up-to-date, and in other ways you are lagging behind. Now would be a good time to identify any discrepancies and start correcting them. Metaphorically speaking, I'd love you to have rolling luggage by the next time you take a journey.



Leo (July 23-August 22)

Have you ever heard of the sasquatch, also known as bigfoot? You know, one of those big, hairy, humanoid beasts that walks upright and lives in dense forests? Scientists assure us that there is no such thing. But then they used to say the same thing about the platypus. It was a myth, they declared; a figment of explorers' vivid imaginations. A duck-billed, egg-laying mammal simply could not exist. When the respected British zoologist George Shaw claimed there was indeed such a creature, he was mocked by his contemporaries. Eventually, though, the truth emerged and Shaw was vindicated. I suspect that you Leos will soon experience an event akin to the discovery and confirmation that the platypus is real.



Virgo (August 23-September 22)

Kyoka is a Japanese word that means a flower reflected in a mirror. I suggest you use it as a metaphor to help you understand what's happening in your life right now. Here are some clues to jump start your ruminations. Are you more focused on the image of what you love than on what you love? If so, is there anything wrong with that, or is it perfectly fine? Are you more interested in ephemeral beauty that you can admire from afar than in tangible beauty you can actually touch? If so, is there anything wrong with that, or is it perfectly fine? Should you turn away from a dreamy surrogate and turn toward the real thing? If so, why?



Libra (September 23-October 22)

A British researcher poured 300 million facts into a computer program designed to determine the most boring day in history. The winner was April 11, 1954. It was selected because almost nothing important happened except an election in Belgium. I'm wondering if you Libras might reach that level of blah sometime soon. The astrological omens suggest it's a possibility. And frankly, I hope that's exactly what happens. You need a break from high adventure and agitated activity. You would benefit from indulging in some downtime that allowed you to luxuriate in silence and stasis. The time has come to recharge your psychic batteries.



Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

You won't be the recipient of good luck in the coming days. Nor will you experience bad luck or dumb luck or weird luck. No, Scorpio. The serendipitous slew of synchronicities that will slip and slide into your sphere requires a new word, which I have coined for this occasion. That word is "shluck." Shluck is a cracked yet plucky sort of backwards luck that provides you with an abundance of curious slack. Shluck slings your way a series of happy accidents and curious coincidences that give you experiences you didn't even realize you needed. To take maximum advantage of shluck's benefits, you have to dispense with your agendas and drop your expectations.



Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

In the old fairy tale "Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves," the poor woodcutter Ali Baba is collecting firewood in the forest when he spies a gang of thieves bragging about their exploits. Observing them from a hiding place, he hears them chant a phrase, "open sesame." This magically unseals the opening to a cave that happens to be full of their stolen treasure. Later, when the thieves have departed, Ali Baba goes to the cave and says "open sesame" himself. The hocus-pocus works. He slips into the cave and steals a bag of gold from the robbers' plunder. This story has resemblances to an adventure you could enjoy sometime soon, Sagittarius. I suspect you may discover your own version of "open sesame." It will give you access to a less literal and more legitimate bounty.



Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

Your ability to heal rifts and bridge gaps is unusually high. You could connect seemingly irreconcilable elements and forge apparently impossible links. Former allies who have become estranged might be moved to bond again through your compassionate intervention. I'm not promising amazingly miraculous feats of unification, but I'm not ruling them out, either. You have a sixth sense about how to create interesting mixtures by applying just the right amount of pressure and offering just the right kind of tenderness.



Aquarius (January 20- February 18)

My friend Harry said he wanted to teach me to play golf. "Are you kidding?" I asked him incredulously. "The dullest game on the planet?" He tried to convince me that it would provide lots of interesting metaphors I could use in writing horoscopes. "Name one," I challenged him. He told me that "Volkswagen" is a slang term that describes what happens when a golfer makes an awkward shot that nevertheless turns out to be quite good. "Hmmm," I replied. "That is exactly the theme I have decided on for the Aquarius horoscope."



Pisces (February 19-March 20)

Do you remember being in your mother's womb? Probably not. But here's what I know about that time: In the first few weeks after you were conceived, your body grew at a very rapid rate. Once you were born, if you had continued to expand and develop with that much vigor, you would literally have grown to be as big as a mountain by now. So let's be thankful you slowed down. But I do want to sound an alert and let you know that you are currently in a growth spurt with some metaphorical resemblances to that original eruption. It's basically a good thing. Just be aware that you may experience growing pains.

Free Will Astrology

17 comments:

XRay said...

Mine makes no sense.

XRay said...

Yes, I know that was the point.

Michael Haz said...

I don't see my horoscope. I was born under the sign of emergency entrance.

deborah said...

lol Haz.

X if you don't mind saying which yours is, I'll see if we agree.

BTW, I first came across Free Will Astrology several years ago in a local paper. I was charmed by the common-sensical, philosophical, thought-provoking take on horoscopes. More like a lengthy fortune cookie than a traditional weekly prediction.

Trooper York said...

I can't recharge my physic batteries because I run on oil.

Physic batteries are for commies.

deborah said...

Dude. This has you writ all over it ;)

"And frankly, I hope that's exactly what happens. You need a break from high adventure and agitated activity. You would benefit from indulging in some downtime that allowed you to luxuriate in silence and stasis."

chickelit said...

I am in the midst of reinventing myself (again) so yes, my horoscope makes sense.

MamaM said...

Ommmmmm...Ummmmmm...Ahhhhh...Yewwwww!

How close is opening the link to being Rickrolled?
Close. Closer than a close encounter of the fifth kind. Verging on mind meld.

Pronoia. It's here now!

At least it provides as clue as to where the One with a Thousand Names may be getting her advice:

UNDIGNIFIED MEDITATIONS TO KEEP YOU HONEST: Brag about what you can't do and don't have. Confess profound secrets to people who aren't particularly interested. Pray for the success of your enemies while you're making love. Change your name every day for a thousand days.

deborah said...

Chick...Aries?

chickelit said...

Yes....You?

deborah said...

Virgo...very like the traditional 'take.'

Unknown said...

Heh. Even the fake ones fit.

deborah said...

April, last time you made one up by combining the first sentence of each, did you know you were doing the cut-paste technique invented by I cant' remember, from Lem's one thread? If so, my hat is off to you. If not, my admiration is still unalloyed.

Unknown said...

LOL Deborah. That just made my day. :)

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

I think you are correct, Deborah. I just cut an paste the first sentence and created a new sign.
Hollandaise with lizard rising. or something.

Lucky ducky if you were born under Hollandaise with lizard rising.

deborah said...

:)