Friday, August 16, 2013

#RulesInABlackHouse


This'll be good, a unique window into the personal lives of my fellow Americans about whom I do think I know so much. Yes, I do think that. Why, just today... never mind any of that. This will be similar to a test. I do care to see, as a group what you say about yourselves.

* Your opinion doesn't matter until you pay a bill.

* you don't waste food unless you want to hear a story about a hungry african child in Uganda.

* DON'T talk back. You know you bouta get knocked tf out she look at you like .. pic

* "there's no such thing as an 'allowance', no matter what your white friends say. I allow you to eat here rent free."

* Don't be making to much noise in your room because they'll come back there like .. pic

* When you wanna do something at home parents say "THIS IS MY HOUSE" When it's time to clean "THIS IS OUR HOUSE"

* I'll take you but you're gonna need a ride back home

*  if one is getting beat DONT EVER EVER EVVAA EVA EVVAA laugh you will soon experience the pain

* whoever drink the last of the KoolAid, makes the next batch

* Don't waste food, If you don't finish it or not hungry, wrap it up and put it in nthe refrigerator for tomorrow.

* If Jehovah Witness come knoccin on the door, cut everthang off and dont say a damn thang.

* Never eat the last of something, they gone think you the one that ate it all.

* either eat what your mama cooked or dont eat at all.

* Until you pay some damn bills you have no say so

* Why do I see white people tweeting bout #RulesInABlackHouse ? yall donlt know our struggle.

* no matter how right you are, your argument is invalid if you dont pay the bills.

* don't ask for no McDonalds especially if you don't have McDonald's money.

* Don't Stare Directly At Your Mom & Blink, She'll Think You Just Rolled Your Eyes, Which Will Result In U Getting Slapped.

* Mom: You ain't going no where til this room clean
[cleans room]
Mom:You only cleaned the room so you can go somewhere

* you can get beat anywhere Grocery story, School, Church, We don't care

* Never ever touch the thermostat

There you go. So what do you think? Uniquely black experiences? Is this so very different from your own experience?

33 comments:

rcommal said...

"So, Bill, have you been called 'unpaid bill' yet?"

WTF, Chip Ahoy?

(A.K.A.: In response to your post, I got nothing other than an unattributed [and of course imprecise] quote.)

; /

Lem the artificially intelligent said...

Bottom line, you don't have a say until you pay a bill.

Leland said...

I'm fairly certain Bill Cosby covered this territory in a series of television spots named after himself.

Eric the Fruit Bat said...

The relationship takes a wrong turn when sexual foreplay becomes a battle for dominance.

KCFleming said...

Sane advice, except for the beatings, which seem to be no joke.

BTW, what damn bills are "you" paying if you're on the dole? None.

And the spelling. I used to think it was wrong on purpose, but I learned that very often they don't actually know what the words are. (e.g., "bouta")
We've achieved Idiocracy.

Very much like South Carolina's African American Gullah culture.
(ATTUHW’ILE after a while
BERITYWELL very well
CONTUHDIX contradict, contradicts, contradicted
INFLUMMASHUN information

Unknown said...

So Romney lost by saying what all of these black mothers are telling their kids...that you shouldn't get a say in things if you are not paying the bills.

edutcher said...

Which again makes you wonder if he "lost".

But, yeah, sounds like a lot of white families.

Only the Conservative ones now; just about all of them 50 years ago.

KCFleming said...

@edutcher: "Which again makes you wonder if he "lost"."

President asterisk.

rhhardin said...

No TV until you finish your homework.

deborah said...

I heard a black comedian say once that Dad always got the biggest piece of meat because he was the one who went to work.

Eric the Fruit Bat said...

I took a survey course in cultural anthropology and they told us that male dominance is directly proportional to meat consumption.

That was 30 years ago so things might be completely reversed by now.

deborah said...

Sounds like a tautology, Mitchell.

ndspinelli said...

The thermostat comment is interesting. Having been in hundreds of black folk homes working the 'hoods of KC and Chicago, the average temperature is 85 degrees in the winter. I never understood it.

ndspinelli said...

Deborah, You're talking about the Chris Rock bit of his dad always having "The big piece of chicken," and how if you ate it, then it be your ass!

Rock grew up in a two parent home. They had strict rules, and you can tell he now appreciates it.

deborah said...

Then there's the riff about how uptight white people are. One said white people would get so upset about family relations, where in a black family your mom would bring your cousin in and say, 'he's going to live here, he's your brother now,' and that would be it.

vza said...

Where is the attribution?

The Dude said...

Doan evah ax who you daddy is - nobody know.

Birches said...

All of these quotes are why I thought "Everybody hates Chris" was so funny.
I might not be black, but I know what its like to have your mother say, "I'll make you a Big Mac."

Anonymous said...

I was raised beatnik style; that's not my experience. Most of my friends were raised white suburban style; that mostly wasn't their experience either. My friends who were raised poor white style come closest, but not that close.

I didn't know any kid who lived with constant fear of beatings at home or outside. The poor families did live with constant anxiety and squabbling about money, even small amounts. I did know kids who lived with sexual abuse at home, though I only found out later.

ricpic said...

Based on this list blacks are not on my planet and vice versa. Which I've suspected for a long time. Otherwise how explain the gap?

The Crack Emcee said...

BLACK PARENTING

Anonymous said...

I do care to see, as a group what you say about yourselves.

Chip: Does this work both ways? Do we get to see what you say about yourself?

Chip Ahoy said...

vza, the attribution is the title beginning with #, that's a thing nowadays and it is for all intensive porpoises an index of various tweets made by various twitters under that hashtag.

Within twitter there is a search feature just as there is here within blogger. The hash mark pound sign # aggregates everything with that tag with a specific phrase. So now you see it a lot even when no such tag exists, as a way of sounding hip. Goes like this.

Man, that Boehner #crybaby sure does cave a lot.

There is most likely no trending twitter hashtag #crybaby.

But most times they are legit. For example a few days ago conservative twitters attempting to be provocative went along with Glenn Beck's suggestion for a #MockObamaDay where participants submitted their bon mots, signage, witty texts on photographs and such.

Pathetic.

No wonder Republicans lose so much. Honestly. There is little funny there under the hashtag, look for yourself if you care to by opening Twitter and entering #mockobamaday

We do better satire ourselves.

We do. As far as ridicule goes, the satire we do. I believe to be better than that.

I did not participate. Pish tosh. That was like ... tsk ... beneath me.

And worse, they were bragging about, hey, #mockobamaday is trending #7. So I looked and sure enough it was.

And trending first was a thread a about a new rap song by Kendrick Lamar that samples earlier rap songs, there were some excellent tweets in there with photos unlinkable, that answered "what do you think about the new song?" a photo depicting a black guy upside down in a public toilet somehow knocked out in the most ridiculous position humanly possible. That was funny.

#2 was the same song, a different line of questioning.

#3 is the same song. "Control"

#4 Same song
#5 Same song
#6 Same song
#8 Same song
#9 Same song

and so on. That one song, "Control" totally owned twitter all through the top 20 were some aspect of that song except the mockobamaday. So nothing actually to be bragging about I don't think, considering the quality of satire, the abysmal quality of the return mockery, a blowout overwhelmed by controversy over a rap song. Rap owns twitter. However useful twitter is to political types, judging by what trends on twitter, it is much more useful to music, and probably things like sports.

rcommal said...

vza

Best bit o' the thread. Chip's genius.

rcommal said...

[in three letters, no less{/more}]

rcommal said...

zeitgeist

vza said...

Thanks, Chip. Now, I get it...I think! Twitterese is a foreign language. I'd better start with the basics:

A Simple Guide to Twenglish (Twittish, Twitterese?)

http://adrielhampton.wordpress.com/2009/02/14/a-simple-guide-to-twenglish-twittish-twitterese/

rcommal said...

Chuckle.

rcommal said...

Twenglish is not now, and never was it, hard.

I found it pretty easy to fit into the character-limit factor (using full words, even, lol!), for example. In fact, that part was fun.

The language was not the hard part.

The Crack Emcee said...

So, Chip, do you know why Control is important?

deborah said...

So Maxwell Smart doesn't go rogue?

The Crack Emcee said...

Cute, deb.

The Crack Emcee said...

Pogo,

And the spelling. I used to think it was wrong on purpose, but I learned that very often they don't actually know what the words are. (e.g., "bouta")
We've achieved Idiocracy.


Pogo, I expect better out of you. That's not an example of stupidity, but ignorance, isolation, and culture.

That so few can grasp that a people, kept from education in the past, might have pockets of ambivalence about it in the present is amazing to me.

Like we're not born in the same country or something,...